Just to clear things up...

So, I have been getting quite a few e-mails, private messages, and phone calls about my first post, Breaking up with the Megachurch. The communication generally falls into one of two camps: those that are having the same experience, or those that want to reach out and make things better for me at church. I appreciate both responses and would like to add my thoughts so that confusion and hurts can be avoided.

First off, I want to let those in the first group know- you are not alone. Many people, from all over the country, are experiencing the same feelings. How do we respond to this? We could be bitter, turn from God, and try to bring down the church. I beg you to resist this temptation. I want the church to be great and do great things. Megachurches have the unique ability to reach a large portion of the community for good. We should recognize these efforts and either work to make things better from inside the church, or find another church that suits us better while wishing the best for our former church. No matter where we are, we have to realize that we have one God and "we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28 ESV)

To the second group, I so appreciate your reaching out to me. The kindness and genuine concern shown has been overwhelming. I would love to be in fellowship with you even if I venture to another church. But just because my situation may be relieved, it doesn't negate the fact that there are many more who are hurting (see the first group).  We need to ask ourselves:  how can we make sure that no one else gets lost in church? What makes Christianity attractive to non-believers is the agape (unconditional) love that is extended from the church. This is different from philia love (love amongst friends) or storge love (love of family). It's easy to limit our love to a small group of friends and family at church, but what happens when go beyond this love and step into the agape zone?  Looking at Acts  2:42-47, we can see that the church will grow.

My first post was not meant as a slam to my (former?) church. Rather, I hope it would serve as a wake-up call to megachurches everywhere and start a conversation so that everyone who enters a church will know that they are valued. I genuinely believe that Christ is the only hope for our world and that the church (body of Christ) is the vehicle for delivering that hope. It can't fall on leadership's shoulders alone, though. Somehow we need to embolden the laity to step up their relations with others both in and out of the church. 

I wish I had some answers on how best to build bridges in the church. Do you have any ideas? Share them below or message me and add your voice to the conversation.
 

Jesus-Lover ISO

Jesus-lover seeking the right church for communion, potlucks, and fellowship. Open to all styles and expressions of worship.

About me: MWF in love with God who sometimes struggles with the implications of following Him.

Requirements:

• Must love the Lord with all heart, soul, strength, and mind; and love neighbors too. 
• Be grace-filled and have a firm grasp of Kingdom principles as laid out in the Beatitudes.

Turn-ons: 

• New Covenant living
• optimistic eschatology
• an embrace of creativity
• multicultural congregations 
• strong youth programs
• social action
• love

Turn-offs:

• legalism
• racism, misogyny, xenophobia, homophobia
• politics rooted in racism, misogyny, xenophobia, or homophobia
• fear 

Interested? HMU and I'll check you out.

Breaking up with the Megachurch

Hi-Church? It's me.... no... me. Listen, I know you are probably busy right now what with managing the hundreds of other attendees, but we need to talk. I'm breaking up with you. I know we've been together for seven years now, but really? We're nothing more than strangers. It's not like I haven't tried to make things work. Small groups. Attempting to serve. Going to prayer. Yet still, I feel like just a number.

I need community. I need people who stay in touch after a small group has ended. I need at least one other person to remember my name and maybe hang out with me in the cafe after service. Truth is? I've been left to do this alone for a long time and my walk has suffered.

I guess it works for some people- those with the right connections to leadership, mostly. I see the instagram feeds and facebook posts from former life group members. I know that for a small percentage of the church it is a vibrant close-knit place. Yet, for some reason, it never expands beyond the "in" group. And it seems that this in group is so tight that they can't see "the others" looking for the same experience.

So I've been feeling left out. Maybe I'm sensitive, or maybe there's something there. My first inkling that something was amiss was when my daughter was invited to something called  "The Core." Until that point, I didn't realize that there was a tiered system of membership. Even though we went through the membership class, regularly attended and tithed, somehow we still hadn't unlocked this achievement. I went to the meeting anyways- almost didn't get past the check-in. It was there that I found out that you counted everything. It's true. I am a number to you.

I just can't do this anymore. Yes, your youth ministry is amazing. The music? Topnotch. And I love the pastor when he's there (which is less and less frequent as he is often jetting off to another speaking engagement.) Even your associate pastors are amazing preachers. But that's just it... they're preachers, not pastors.Pastors know their parishioners. They know when someone in their flock is hurting. I appreciate you praying for me after my suicide attempt, but everyday is still a struggle. Has anyone even asked how I've been? I know it sounds selfish, I don't mean to be. I know it's logistically impossible to keep up on everyone. I suppose that's where the body of Christ is supposed to step in and minister to each other.

The Bible says we are to bear each others' burdens. But what happens when we're so out of touch with one another that we don't even know what that burden is? I've tried connecting. I can't count how many times I have said "hi" to someone only to have them walk on by, or worse, stare at me and then turn away. I've invited people out for coffee and have been met with the sound of crickets.

It's hard to be a sensitive introvert in a church where you have to be an extrovert to survive. I don't want to just survive; I want to thrive. And it's not happening. I love you, but I have to move on. I don't want to be a bitter ex. I wish you well. I'm sure you'd wish the best for me as well, but you won't even realize I'm gone.